Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Music Has The Right To Education

Calum Marsh

Dear Faithful Readers and Lovers Of Our Site,

Mocking Music needs your help. Upon scanning my iTunes library this very morn, I made a disturbing and disheartening discovery: Indie artists are completely illiterate.

Yes, it's true - the musicians we love and care for are so poorly educated that they struggle to even spell song and album titles correctly; frequently artists bypass the whole mucky matter by enlisting crews of writers to work on titles for them, but others are unable to afford such luxuries and must fend for themselves - the result is often embarrassment and ridicule from former English teachers and keenly literate fans. The real problems are behind the scenes, though: with artists unable to properly write or type out their lyrics, words are typically scribbled unintelligibly with crayons on colorful construction paper; in the end, though, singers often can't even read their own messy penmanship and resort to improvisation while at the mic - fortunately most singers just so happen to be really, really good at that sort of thing. Who knew?

That's why we're asking for you, the loyal listener, to help these poor artists by showing your support. "This isn't a serious problem", you, the well-read listener, may scoff, "I shall never lend a helping hand - nay, not even a finger will be lifted with regard to this non-issue". But I pray you, dear intellectuals, look deep within your hearts for sympathy!

We, the indifferent and coolly detached fans, gleefully devour the work of these artists without a second thought about their personal well being: while we sit on the bus with our iPods, bobbing our heads to the delightful sounds of LCD Soundsystem, James Murphy sits at home, alone, struggling to make it through a second-hand copy of Green Eggs And Ham. "I will not eat...", James speaks aloud, slowly, "your green eggs and h-" - but he chokes on the last word, unable to spit it out; the work is all too much, but James perserveres - he must know whether Sam I Am would eat the Green Eggs And Ham were it served to him on a boat. Will he ever find out? Without your help, perhaps not...

I present to you, dear readers, a thorough list of musical offenders. Some of these artists have broken complicated grammatical rules - these musicians can easily be taught - but others have made flagrant errors that break the most basic rules of spelling and grammar, and these are the artists who we most desperately need to assist.

Daft Punk's method of remembering how to spell their own name

I Can't Write Good: 10 Illiterate Artists

10. The Unicorns - Tuff Luff
Spelling your titles phonetically is not good enough, Unicorns - just because it sounds right doesn't mean it is right - maybe next time.

9. Mates Of State - Like U Crazy
A lot of musicians try and get away with shortening their words to one letter (read: any hip-hop artist ever), but it isn't excusable just because kids on the internet do it. It's only two letters shorter, guys - are you really saving that much time? If you're that desperate to beat the clock, I'm left thinking that maybe you don't have the time to make good music. Ever think about that?

8. Interpol - C'Mere
As common as it is, it's just not an appropriate contraction. Sorry guys.

7. Animal Collective - Whaddit I Done?
Sure, your music evokes childhood - but that doesn't mean you have to spell like a five year old talks, does it?

6. The Dears - Expect The Worse 'Cos She's A Tourist
At least they didn't use end 'Cos' with a 'z'. Still, this one needs work.

5. Daft Punk - Da Funk
'Da' instead of 'The'? Please, guys. What do you think this is, 1997?

4. !!! - When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Gets Karazee / There's No Fucking Rules, Dude
Not even a real word! Don't try it.

The second is slightly more understandable - simple grammatical error. "There's" should be "There are" (because the "fucking rules" are plural, meaning "is" should be"are").

3. The Blood Brothers - Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck
No it doesn't.

2. LCD Soundsystem - Yr City's A Sucker
This isn't even a creative contraction. Come on, James! You might as well be using "lol". Mind you, he isn't the only one using it...

1. Le Tigre - Dude, Yr So Crazy! /What's Yr Take On Cassavetes?
Two 'Yr' contractions make Le Tigre our most needy case. These two error-laden songs are even from the same album! Oh, Le Tigre - for shame.

The Unicorns - Tuff Luff
Mates Of State - Like U Crazy
Interpol - C'mere
Animal Collective - Whaddit I Done?
The Dears - Expect The Worst Cos She's A Tourist
Daft Punk - Da Funk
!!! - There's No Fucking Rules, Dude
The Blood Brothers - Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck
LCD Soundsystem - Yr City's A Sucker
Le Tigre - Dude, Yr So Crazy!
Le Tigre - What's Yr Take on Cassavetes?

Le Tigre - Le Tigre
LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsystem
Animal Collective - Sung Tongs

Comments on "Music Has The Right To Education"


Anonymous rollins said ... (15/3/06 10:21 am) : 

i wouldn't consider daft punk or blood brothers indie...but that's just me


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (15/3/06 12:06 pm) : 

hah hah hah

Good Stuff.


Blogger Alisa said ... (15/3/06 5:18 pm) : 

Yeah when I downloaded a bunch of Mates of State songs, Like U Crazy drove me crazy. Hello, you're not 13 in middle school trying to be cool.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (15/3/06 8:41 pm) : 

Just in case I didn't already love this blog enough, you've really just deemed yourself completely fantastic. I absolutely cannot stand bad grammar, and when added to a generally good song, I object all the more. it's fortunate that I'd never seen that Le Tigre track before, because I might have tried to eat it.


Blogger Calum Marsh said ... (15/3/06 9:49 pm) : 

I'm not going to lie, I'm very, very proud of my own post. Pat myself on the back? I think so.


Blogger je ne sais pas said ... (15/3/06 9:57 pm) : 

excellent. good work.


Blogger christine said ... (16/3/06 2:52 am) : 

this is a phenomenal post! way to call out the "yr"-ers for the scoundrels that they are!


Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (17/3/06 12:42 am) : 

Six mostly complimentary comments, yet I'm wondering, did any one get what the title is referencing?

Free cookie to whoever does.


Anonymous mjrc said ... (17/3/06 2:55 pm) : 

u guyz r 2 funny!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (17/3/06 5:41 pm) : 

I hate to be a jerk, but the link for "Tuff Luff" is actually. "Tuff Ghost". No big, still works.


Blogger Calum Marsh said ... (18/3/06 12:08 am) : 

My bad. Must have clicked on the wrong song when uploading.


Anonymous Nicki said ... (18/3/06 3:34 pm) : 

Is the title referring to that whole "save the music" thing, encouraging keeping music education in schools? The thing that came first to my mind was a recent controversial bill the Georgia legislature tried to pass that would have essentially destroyed school music programs if it had gone through, but I'm willing to bet that isn't it.


Blogger Calum Marsh said ... (19/3/06 1:32 am) : 

It was a play on "Music Has The Right To Children", a perfect album by Boards Of Canada. But you're close...


Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (19/3/06 2:41 am) : 

No cookie.

Honestly, I liked Nicki's theory enough that I started to question whether I was right in assuming it as a BoC reference.

Let's pretend that our posts have political subtext.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (19/7/06 3:15 am) : 

yr is in the dictionary

artists can do whatever the fuck they want

you can suck it


Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (19/7/06 3:28 am) : 

People with an absolute lack of humour frighten me.


Blogger qinbincai123 said ... (22/4/12 9:48 pm) : 

His laurels to Eternity,arise, roar wxinzd81 out in stormy warning,
He was your own true bard, oh Sea!
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