Monday, March 28, 2005

P.E.I. Woman Ages One Year In Single Day

Casey Dorrell

Local Prince Edward Island Resident, Michelle McDonald, is one year older today than yesterday. The cause of such rapid aging has yet to be discovered, but sources close to the woman revealed that she often refers to herself as a 90 year old woman, sparking accusations that the whole thing is a hoax.

"If she's already 90 she can just claim to age a year every day for months!" One concerned citizen said. Another defended Michelle saying, "I saw her yesterday and I Know she was 21, she just had that look, you know? But then today, she was different, older." A nearby Island resident, overhearing the controversial debate had this to say, "It just ain't natural. Men should not marry men - it just ain't right."



Michelle declined comment on the matter having never been asked her opinion.* Her alleged bofriend, Casey Dorrell, an insider here at Mocking Music was skeptical about the affair, "I doubt anyone can age a year in one day," adding, "though I guess if someone could, it'd be Michelle. Local Expert, Dr. Logic agreed saying, "Our society, like most others, celebrates the process of aging itself by designating one day in which to promote a given individual as they hurtle toward certain inevitable death. While it's true that the aging doesn't simply take place on that particular day, attempts at celebrating every day of aging have proven impossibly impractical."

Despite his shared skeptisism with the experts, Dorrell has decided to withhold any Cadbury Eggs he would have otherwise bestowed upon Mcdonald on this "birth day"elaborating, "If she keeps this up, I'll have to give her an egg every day, and I just can't afford that!"As to whether other gifting would take place, he would not say.

*We here at Mocking Music prefer wild speculation over verified facts.


Happy Birthday, Michelle.

Comments on "P.E.I. Woman Ages One Year In Single Day"

 

Blogger mOe said ... (28/3/05 5:44 pm) : 

hilarious.

send a happy birthday wish along for me, eh.

 

Blogger mel said ... (29/3/05 3:54 am) : 

This is the most ludicrous reporting I've ever read. What do you do, write for the cadre?? Why aren't any of the sources named? What are this, "Dr Logic's" credentials? How do achieve a doctorate in logic, anyway? It's all a hoax, and I'm not buying it.

Oh, and if she doesn't get the cream egg, can I have it?

Well done dude.

 

Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (29/3/05 5:12 am) : 

um.. credentials? he's clearly identified as an expert. Really...
I suppose it should have been noted that he's an expert on applied logic - that, combined with the requisite "dr." is all you ever get from most news stories.

no cream egg for you - best never to question dr. logic.

 

Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (29/3/05 5:13 am) : 

One pseudo-constitutional complaint levelled at the idea of polygamy is that while its allowance may better provide for religious freedom, it serves as an oppressive institution for females, thus effectively infringing upon s.2 of the Charter as it applies to gender. This is false. The gender inequality equated with polygamy is borne of the simple fact that many societies which allow for polygamy are incidentally patriarchal. Many monogamy-based societies are also patriarchal. Nothing in the nature of genderless polygamy is inherently inequitable toward either sex.

 

Blogger Casey Dorrell said ... (29/3/05 5:13 am) : 

um.. ignore that... bit tired.. this was supposed to be icq..

 

Anonymous Mocking Music said ... (29/3/05 5:43 am) : 

It's been pointed out that we can delete Casey's accidental comment but we are lazy, and very tired - also blogger is a bitch right now.

In the meantime, simply consider it a contrived display of fallibility of which we share with you, our ever so flawed reader, in an attempt to allievate your overwhelming awkwardness and anxiety stemming from your utter inadequacy when measured against the greatness that is us (and our brilliantly consice prose).

 

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